I distrust my mother’s relationship with her nurse

Dear Annie: I’m sorry to say that my mother has been lonely for far too long. Her relationship with my father was unsatisfactory, and they separated years before his untimely death eighteen years ago. Since then, she has not been in a relationship or maintained any close friendships. My brother lives nearby and sees her a few times a month with his son.

I’ve been trying to help her get closer to my family for years, but she always has her reasons for not doing so. My kids and I video chat with her at least weekly, but that can’t be her entire life. She recently moved to an assisted living facility in her home state after being released from a rehabilitation center due to a hip injury.

Well, today she told me that while she was in rehab, she started a romantic relationship with one of her nurses, who is 42 years old and married. She is so excited about her bond with this young man, who is about the same age as my brother and my husband. I don’t want to spoil the happiness that comes into her life, but I have a bad feeling about this.

Ethically, I disagree with her complicity in this man’s cheating on his wife, with whom he has young children. I told her this, and she seemed to think it wasn’t a problem because even though they are not divorced, they are “just growing older together” and when he sees her on his days off, “he” doesn’t spend time with his wife would spend. Anyway.”

Worse, I’m really worried he’s trying to scam her, although I’m not sure exactly what for, since she has no money except the long-term care insurance that goes toward her housing. When it runs out, my family will pay for her, so I’m not worried about getting anything from her will or anything; I just don’t want her to be manipulated.

Overall, I am very suspicious of this young man trying to date my sick 77 year old mother.

She seemed to get the idea that she might hurt this man’s family, but I think she’s too stunned to do anything about it.

Besides sharing our doubts, is there anything my brother and I can do to prevent her from falling into the trap?

– Stunned daughter

Dear Bewildered Daughter: This is a difficult task because you are grateful that your mother is happy, but you know that her “love” for this man will not end well. Talk to the people in charge of the rehab center, explain the situation, and your mother’s new Romeo will be packed away. Hopefully this is the wake-up call she needs.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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