Putting mother first: nurturing through person-centered care

As I boarded my flight to return to Orlando after recently attending a senior living conference, I promised myself that I would take a break from answering emails and doing work in the aeroplane. My original plan was to listen to music and appreciate the quiet time that often accompanies takeoff.

As luck would have it, I found an aisle seat where no one was sitting in the middle seat. On the rare occasion that this happens these days, I immediately find inner joy that lasts the entire flight. I am grateful for that little bit of happiness.

I exchanged a polite greeting with the woman to my right, who was sitting in the window seat. As is typical of my travel routine, I put my cell phone on airplane mode, connected to the plane’s Wi-Fi, and started watching the plane’s route, keeping an eye on the altitude as we climbed into the friendly skies. It is during these 10 to 15 minutes of early flight time that I often reflect on my work-related adventures of the past few days.

My reflection at this last conference had such an impact on me that I deviated from my initial plan to listen to music and chose to write instead. I felt compelled to put my raw thoughts on paper.

Honestly, I think having that empty middle seat had something to do with my decision. Sometimes there’s no better place to find solitude in writing than when I’m up in the air. Even though I’m surrounded by probably close to 180 people, I’m quite happy to be ‘alone’ in the cabin.

My thoughts often wander to hopeful promises of greatness, and today I found myself thinking deeply about several meetings from the recent conference, especially the one on caring for individual mothers. Conversations and discussions about caring for one’s own family members are becoming increasingly common and can be compared to an undercurrent in the ocean that runs counter to the existing current within the senior living industry. Concerns are growing about how we systematically care for older adults, and those who serve this population within community walls every day are concerned.

Navigating the senior living landscape poses significant challenges for everyone involved, from owners and operators to residents, families, caregivers, administrators and the supporting service providers who provide products and services to these communities. Although “challenging” is the professional term we use, I have heard less flattering words at conferences. It’s time for a change of perspective. We need unity and cooperation more than ever. The words we choose matter if we want to not only survive, but thrive as an industry. The tides must change.

Let me take you through my initial thoughts on the potential for renewed hope and improved care for people living in senior living communities, which I believe is possible, based on a plethora of conversations I had at this conference with very caring and committed people . I witnessed firsthand the camaraderie shared by many senior community team members who traveled to the conference together. I heard feedback during some speaker sessions where people were willing to share the best practices in their industry – and with their competitors no less – in the hope that sharing best practices could alleviate some of the day-to-day issues that community workers face. .

I notice that the content changes during speaker presentation sessions. The posts are full of encouragement for individuals to take what they learn back to their community for further discussion. I often saw session participants nod in agreement when presentations encouraged change and action, rather than just words.

Feedback from session participants is also changing. More people show up. More people are speaking up. More and more people are recognizing that we systematically have a plethora of concerns regarding resident care in our sector, and that change is needed.

Although I often use the saying “control what you can control” to deal with life’s problems, a nurse I met at this conference shared some concerns with me about healthcare provider staffing and concluded my statement with “and manage those things you cannot. ” I learned from her.

My conversation with this nurse continued and we started talking about resident care and what good care looks like today. She told me a story about a caregiver who significantly impacted the life of a community resident by providing the resident with an abundance of care and attention. This caregiver’s dedication to her client so exceeded expectations that it led to feelings of jealousy among other team members, who viewed it as “showboating.” My knee-jerk reaction was, “How lucky if that one resident is your mother!”

One of my Seni teammates and I spent time exhibiting at this conference. A hotel employee working at the conference stopped by our booth and told us that her mother was incontinent. She wanted to learn more. We offered this woman some free product samples and her eyes lit up with hope. This woman was so grateful for the samples that she offered to save us the two-minute walk to where snacks and drinks were available and personally served my teammate and me.

While her expression of appreciation was kind, it was neither necessary nor expected. In a strange way it was a bit over the top, don’t you think? So why did she make such a kind gesture? The answer is simple: because she loves her mother. Her mother is important to her, and with the resources she naturally understood that there is hope for a better outcome for her mother.

I also had a conversation with someone else at this conference, and together we “had a moment,” so to speak. This person shared a story from several years ago about their mother who was in the hospital for a few weeks before she passed away. She told me that overall her mother had lived a very happy and long life. Her daughter was by her mother’s side for the last few weeks of her life, and it was during this time that her mother developed a bedsore. Although it had been several years since her mother’s death, she had tears in her eyes as she talked about the pain her mother was in at that time. That made me burst into tears and luckily we were able to laugh together a bit, that we ‘had a moment’.

Again, mother’s business. We want the best for them.

During the conference, my teammate and I were fortunate to have many conversations with people who work in senior living communities, own senior living communities, or provide products and services to communities. The challenges in the industry are clear and relate to financial stability, ongoing staffing shortages, potential and actual violations related to resident care, and the list goes on.

My conclusion, however, was that the hope for a better future remains, as does the dedication of the great hearts of the people deep in the weeds of this industry. The hope for better care has never been clearer in my opinion, recognizing that significant changes are needed to achieve this goal so that the industry can survive rather than collapse.

The trajectory of the senior living industry must change. Expectations must change. Priorities must change.

It no longer takes just a village to improve the quality of care for a population living with more chronic conditions than ever before, but we need everyone in “the village, the city and the community” to think about a person-oriented approach. care versus a ‘heads and beds’ mentality. Profits keep us afloat, but without people there is no profit.

Perhaps one answer to creating positive change is to eliminate “head and bed” from our vocabulary. Perhaps operating from a thought process of ‘mothers and fathers’ or ‘grandmothers and grandfathers’ can be a positive catalyst for a new movement.

If I live at home and need home care, I am called a client. If I live at home and stay in an adult day care center a few days a week, I am called a participant. When I move to an assisted living community, I become a resident. As my aging journey continues and I would transition from assisted living to a skilled health care facility, I will become a patient.

In a world where growing older is hard enough, my wish for everyone is that we continue to be mothers and fathers, not just in name, but in the way we are cared for. One person matters when it’s your mother!

Deanna Vigliotta is the national sales manager for Seni premium adult incontinence products and has a 30-year background in healthcare sales and sales management. She joined Seni in early 2019 to expand the brand presence in the U.S. market and educate consumers, healthcare professionals and senior communities about the importance of choosing high-quality, fully breathable products.

The opinions expressed in each McKnight’s Senior Living marketplace column are those of the author and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Senior Living.

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