Pet Inequality Puts Strain on Marriages, by Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I grew up never being allowed to have pets. I have been married for almost 30 years to a man who allowed me to have a small indoor dog, and he doesn’t mind her that much, but hates the two we have outside. Both are rescues, one from his eldest son who had him tied to a tree, the other from a rescue group. Both weigh less than 7 pounds. He hates them and looks for any excuse to get mad at them. One is a thief, but does not chew up her finds. The other digs small holes that can fit a pecan nut, but not very many, two or three at a time.

The problem is that if our granddaughter brings home a pet for us to care for, she can do no wrong, because we love our granddaughter no matter how smelly or destructive the animal is. This hurts my heart and makes me feel like he is putting up with them because he loves her. What about me? – Protective for pets

Dear Guardian: It sounds like there is a significant imbalance in the way your husband views your pets compared to your granddaughter’s, which understandably feels personal because your animals mean so much to you. It is important to address not only the specifics of this pet situation, but also your feelings of being under-loved in your relationship.

Talk to your husband and tell him how much it means to you to care for your animals and how painful it is to feel like this interest of yours is not being reciprocated. Encourage him to interact more with the pets in the hope that this will help him feel more connected, just as he feels connected to your granddaughter’s pets, and see what boundaries he needs to set to help him feel more at home. feel comfortable when he has the dogs in the house. your shared space. May this raw, candid conversation be a step toward better understanding each other and strengthening your marriage.

Dear Annie, My husband of 35 years has a habit of letting himself go. We are both in our 60s and have enjoyed hiking, walking around our neighborhood and some exercise in the past. He is a recovered alcoholic and has a powerful taste for sweets, eating them often and usually clandestinely. He has put on quite a bit of weight and has had some problems with his knees and one hip lately.

I’ve suggested exercise and a sensible diet, but he doesn’t seem to think it’s an important suggestion. We are well insured, although he does not visit a doctor or dentist. He now hobbles when he walks. I exercise regularly and am a vegetarian. My weight has been the same our entire lives together.

Should I leave him alone? I am tired of telling him how I feel about this issue and know that I will soon be a widow. I am at a loss. – Widow-to-be

Dear Widow-to-be: Your concerns are valid and urgent, especially given your husband’s previous battles with alcoholism and now his declining physical fitness. Since direct suggestions have not been effective, consider consulting a third party. Getting your husband to agree to a health check under the guise of routine care may lead to natural conversations about his diet and exercise with a professional. As summer approaches, try to involve him in activities that you both enjoy that can also serve as light exercise, such as those gentle walks you used to enjoy together or recreational swimming.

Make sure you express your concerns not only from a health perspective, but also from a relationship perspective. Let him know how much you value your time together and your future, and emphasize that his health directly affects the quality and longevity of your shared life. In the end it’s simple: you love him and don’t want to lose him. This could make the situation more relatable and urgent, which could inspire him to make changes.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to (email protected).

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